We come in Loves name, amen. Good evening, my name is Linda Olson Peebles. I am one of the Ministers of the Mount Vernon Unitarian Church in Alexandria, Virginia. As we begin, I want you to know that Unitarian Universalists are committed to the freedom of the human spirit and the integrity of every living person. I welcome you here as we celebrate the wedding of Daria and Tobin. We rejoice with them this day as they enhance both their dignity and their freedom in the bonds of marriage.
We come this day to celebrate a ceremony as old as humankind. The gathering of people to rejoice in the union of two lovers has been repeated since times beginning, in many different ways, in every part of the world. This rite is literally as old as the hills. At the same time, it is always new and unique.
Daria and Tobin have declared their love to one another for a long time. Now, they come before you to reaffirm the bond between them and to make a lifelong commitment to each other. For them, this old and honored ritual marks a new beginning. In this ceremony, Tobin and Daria will confess their commitment before all of us. But more, they make these promises to themselves and to each other. Today and hereafter, they pledge their love and their trust, their support and their understanding. For them, I welcome each of you.
Love. What a small word we use for an idea so immense and powerful it has altered the flow of history, calmed monsters, kindled works of art, cheered the forlorn, turned tough guys to mush, consoled the enslaved, driven strong women mad, glorified the humble, fueled national scandals, bankrupted robber barons, and made mincemeat of kings. How can love's spaciousness be conveyed in the narrow confines of one syllable?...Love is an ancient delirium, a desire older than civilization, with taproots stretching deep into dark and mysterious days...
The heart is a living museum. In each of its galleries, no matter how narrow or dimly lit, preserved forever like wondrous diatoms, are our moments of loving and being loved.
- Diane Ackerman, A History of Love
Daria, Tobin, what we do here today is nothing new. Men and women, like you, have been joining their lives in marriage since times beginning. Yet, this is new to you, this commitment of love and marriage. So, allow me to share with you a few thoughts on what this may mean.
We begin by noting that marriage is not something to be entered into lightly. Joining your lives in partnership should be an intentional decision, made with mutual respect and with a sense of reverence.
For many, marriage represents the ultimate intimacy between a man and a woman. But it is also something of a contradiction: this joining as one also affirms and strengthens the individuality of each partner. In giving yourself freely to each other, you discover your freedom. As grow together, so will each of you grow as a part. Your commitment frees you to be who you really are. This is the blessing intimacy allows when respect and reverence characterize your decision to marry.
Additionally, there are three things to consider as we reflect on the meaning of this day, this event. These are: Love, Friendship, and Commitment. So much has been said about love that it is easy to be most perplexed. But it need not be difficult. Daria and Tobin, love means this: Love is giving of yourself for your own and your partners spiritual growth. Your bond of love is what breaks through walls of separation. When you join your life with another, the solitary "I" becomes a transforming "we", and something new is born. Your love helps you to transcend self-centeredness.
There are words easy to say, but full of expectation. For in loving one another, you will be called in many unanticipated ways to help your partner to become all she or he can become. Thats the goal of loving, but, for that to happen, you must hold onto each other with gentle, open arms holding on in ways that support but never confine. To love another, you must allow for and expect that you and your partner will change. And sometimes, this growth may be puzzling, disturbing, or even frightening to you. Thats when your love will need also to have patience and courage, and especially, faith in yourself and in each other.
Secondly, you need to remain friends. Friendship is that special kind of feeling that accepts as they are, with strengths and with weaknesses. In the poets voice:
"Your friend is you need answered. She or he is the field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving. ... Let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit. ... Let your best be for your friend. If she, if he must know the ebb of your tide, let her, let him know its flood also. ... And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed." (Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet)
If you remember always to be friends, then you can rejoice in all the unfolding growth and change that await.
And finally, a word about commitment: Marriage is foremostly a commitment. You choose each other freely, joining your life with your partner through all of lifes seasons. Because it is not a sometimes-thing, dont base your marriage on the feelings you have for one another now. As you stand here today, your feelings for each other are filled with joy and gladness. Thats great, but since feelings change, make your commitments as a matter of will: You choose each other to share the many years of life, period. You choose not just for today, but for all your tomorrows, not just for joy and good times, but for all times, even those that are troubled and sad.
So, Daria and Tobin, let these thoughts guide your decision to be united in marriage. May your choosing each other be based also on commitment.
For one human being to love another human being: that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been entrusted to us, the ultimate task, the final test and proof, the work for which all other work is merely preparation. Loving does not at first mean merging, surrendering, and uniting with another person - it is a high inducement for the individual to ripen, to become something in himself, to become world, to become world in himself for the sake of another person; it is a great, demanding claim on him, something that chooses him and calls him to vast distance...
Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.
- Rainer Maria Rilke
- Joel Oppenheimer (A Prayer For a Wedding)
Daria, Tobin, will you please take each others hand. The hand offered by each of you is an extension of self, just as is your mutual love. Cherish this touch, for you touch not only your own, but anothers life. Be ever sensitive to its pulse. Seek always to understand and respect its rhythm. I ask you now: Is it your intention to be joined in marriage at this time.
Daria, Tobin: It is.
Tobin:
From this day on I choose you, my beloved Daria,
to be my wife,
to live with you and laugh with you;
to stand by your side and sleep in your arms;
to be joy to your heart and food to your soul;
to bring out the best in you always;
and, for you, to be the most that I can.
To laugh with you in the good times;
to struggle with you in the bad;
to solace you when you are downhearted;
to wipe your tears with my hands;
to comfort you with my body;
to mirror you with my soul;
to share with you all my riches and honors;
to play with you as much as I can
until we grow old, and still loving
each other sweetly and gladly,
our lives shall come to the end.
Daria:
From this day on I choose you, my beloved Tobin,
to be my husband,
to live with you and laugh with you;
to stand by your side and sleep in your arms;
to be joy to your heart and food to your soul;
to bring out the best in you always;
and, for you, to be the most that I can.
To laugh with you in the good times;
to struggle with you in the bad;
to solace you when you are downhearted;
to wipe your tears with my hands;
to comfort you with my body;
to mirror you with my soul;
to share with you all my riches and honors;
to play with you as much as I can
until we grow old, and still loving
each other sweetly and gladly,
our lives shall come to the end.
Rings are made precious by our wearing them. They carry our meaning; they say who we are, where we have been, and where we are going. They become us; they reflect us; they are a symbol of our truest essence.
Your wedding rings are most special because they say that even in your uniqueness you have chosen to be bonded, to allow the presence of another human being to enhance who you are. Your rings carry the potent double message: We are individuals and yet we belong; we are not alone. As you wear them through time, they will reflect not only who you are but also the union you are making, the fact that through the rest of your lives each of you will be imprinted by the other, yet as yourself remain.
Tobin:
Daria, I give you this ring to wear upon your hand, as a token of my affection and as a symbol of our unity.
Daria:
Tobin, I give you this ring to wear upon your hand, as a token of my affection and as a symbol of our unity.
Let us pray, each according to her or his own faith tradition. Almighty God, source of life and all that is and is to be, on this happy and holy day, we pray for blessings on the union of Daria and Tobin in marriage. Help them remain steadfast to the love they share and to overcome whatever obstacles occur in their lives. Bless their home, that it may be a sanctuary of peace and place of hospitality and honor to all who grace its door.
May the power of life be forever abundant and always touch their lives, flowing from one to the other, enlarging lifes joys, easing any hour of trial. May Daria and Tobin always encourage each other, and, trusting each other, trust life and not be afraid. May their love become a deep well from which they may give abundantly to others. Now, as Tobin and Daria have made their commitments to each other today, may the days and the years deepen the wisdom of that choice, enlarging the storehouse of its treasures, that they may abide forever after in joy and in peace. In loves name, so be it. Amen.
Daria, Tobin, you have come freely this day before God, your families and friends to state your commitments of marriage. Now you have made this promises that will be the foundation of you marriage. You have exchanged also the rings that symbolize your vows to all.
Therefore, it is my pleasure to affirm and to announce that in so doing you have joined yourselves as husband and wife. May all your days be blessed with love and friendship. May each day and night of your lives be a new beginning.
I charge each one present to do all in your power to encourage and sustain Daria and Tobin in the commitments that they have made today. This marriage signals a new beginning and a reordering of relationships. Let us recognize this change and foster it with all our will. We now rejoice in recognizing Tobin and Daria as husband and wife.
Tobin and Daria Kiss!
Tobin, Daria, may all your days be blessed with much happiness. May each day of your loving see you grow in joy and peace. May your love help you walk more easily through lifes passages. And may your days together be long on the face of the earth. Go, now, as wife and husband, in loves commitment. Amen.
May I introduce to you, for the first time, Tobin and Daria Bergen-Hill.
Back to
wedding main pageLast updated: 10 August 1999